How to Choose a Mediator

Choosing a mediator is not like choosing a lawyer. A lawyer works for you. A mediator works for the process, which means they work, in some sense, for both of you.

What you’re choosing is a particular quality of presence. Someone who can hold two very different perspectives at the same time without losing either of them. Someone who can hear what is being said and what isn’t. Someone who can keep the conversation moving without forcing a result.

Accreditation matters. In New Zealand, the NMAS credential signals meaningful training and ethical standards. But accreditation tells you about training, not approach.

Some mediators are primarily focused on settlement, on getting an agreement signed before everyone leaves the room. That works for some disputes. But in family matters and workplace disputes, where the relationship continues after the agreement, a purely settlement-focused approach often produces agreements that don’t hold.

A relational or transformative approach is different. Less focused on the document; more focused on whether both parties left the room feeling genuinely heard. Those agreements tend to last.

Background matters too. A mediator who came to the work through counselling brings a different quality of attention than one who came through law. Neither is better in the abstract. But for disputes where the emotional dimension is as real as the practical one — which is most family and workplace disputes — clinical depth is an advantage.

Ask any mediator you are considering: what is your approach? What happens if we reach an impasse? The answers tell you more than any credential. The free 20-minute Zoom call is the place to find out whether I might be the right fit.